Too Many Men!
by AzuDCreamPuff
Summary: Annoyed with the Bikini Bottom guys, Sandy, Pearl, Mrs.Puff and Pearl's fashion troupe go on a girls' day out. Pairings: SpongexSandy, TaraxTed, MarleenxSquidward, Mrs.PuffxMr.Puff. Please read and review! Rated T for safety. P.S. I don't own SBSP.
1. Chapter 1

Girls' Day Out

**Too Many Men!**

**Chapter 1 - Narrate, Already!**

Narrator: Ah, Bikini Bottom. An undersea town where sea creatures live

in harmony…

Sandy: HARMONY? Y'all say HARMONY?! Don't y'all know that there

are just too many sick men in Bikini Bottom?!

Narrator: Um… That may be true… But if you would just let me

continue…

Sandy: CONTINUE? Heck no! I'm so angry now! HI-YAH!

(Sandy gives Narrator a giant KARATE CHOP!)

Narrator: OUCH!

Sandy: That's what y'all get for underestimatin' a gal! That's why Bikini

Bottom is so annoying sometimes! I'm movin' back to Texas!

Narrator: SANDY! NOOOOOO!

(Narrator cries. Sad music plays)

Sandy: OK, OK. I'm stayin'.

(Narrator stops crying)

Narrator (face glowing): Really?

Sandy: Really. But there's a catch.

Narrator: What's the catch? Anything for you, Sandy!

Sandy: OK… Well, I want you to narrate this story. The WHOLE story.

Narrator: OK, Sandy. Now gimme the cash.

(Sandy puts on her angry face and gives Narrator a karate chop)

Narrator: OUCH! S-s-sorry, Sandy! I was kidding!

Sandy: Fine. But one more quippin' from y'all and I'm really gonna fly

off to Texas.

Narrator: Thank you for your forgiveness, O Great One.

Sandy: Whatever. Now NARRATE ALREADY!

Narrator: Y-y-y-yes S-s-s-s-sandy.

Sandy: Good. Now start.

Narrator: All right, boss. At your service. Ah, Bikini Bot –

Me: Now hold on just a moment!

Sandy: Who're YOU? What're y'all doin' here? I'm the main character!

Me: I'm the AUTHOR!

Sandy: Uh-oh.

Me: Well, Sandy, this is only the FIRST chapter. Don't you think that

Mr. Narrator here needs a rest?

Sandy: REST? Don't y'all dare to tell me what to do with this guy!

I'm the main character, remember?

Me: I am the AUTHOR, and I have absolute power over all the

characters in this story. I can make something bad happen if

you don't cooperate.

Sandy: Fine.

Me: Good. Now I've decided that there would be no narrators in the

story, as Mr. Narrator here is busy narrating OTHER SpongeBob -

related stories.

Narrator: Oh, thank you, Author! (runs away)

Sandy (angry): Ugh… I'm gonna kill y'all…

Me: Uh-uh-uh… Remember what I said about co-operation?

Sandy: Y-y-yes…

Me: I'll also cancel your date with SpongeBob if you don't listen –

Sandy: OK, OK, I'll listen! What next?

Me: You won't get paid for this.

Sandy: Grrrr…

Me: I'm really gonna tell SpongeBob.

(Sandy grumbles; defeated)

Sandy: What now, Boss?

Me: Well, that's it actually… There is just one more thing that I'd like

you to remember…

Sandy: Huh?

Me: Don't even say a single bad word throughout this whole story.

Sandy: Why?

Me: To protect my reputation, of course! And your relationship with

SpongeBob –

Sandy: SpongeBob and I are NOT –

Me: Whatever.

Sandy (trying to control her anger): Ugh.

Me: Good job. You actually cooperated.

Sandy: Y'ALL THINK I WANNA DIE?!

Me: Ahem.

Sandy (mumbling): I am so not looking forward to Chapter 2.

Me (ignoring Sandy): That's all for now, folks! See you in Chapter 2!

(I leave)

Sandy: I hate that woman. (Leaves)

**TO BE CONTINUED….**


	2. Chapter 2

Girls' Day Out

**Too Many Men!**

**Chapter 2 – Men, they're all the same…**

One day, in Sandy's treedome…

Sandy: Darn it. I've run out of acorns again. Guess I'll have to go to the

Supermarket to buy some…

(Sandy goes out)

In the Supermarket…

Sandy: Let's see. Acorns… acorns… acorns…

(Sandy spots some acorns in the aisle marked 'Acorns')

Sandy: Aha! Found some. Now to pay for the –

(Sandy bumps straight into Squidward)

Squidward: Watch where you're going!

Sandy: Sorry, Squidward! I didn't see you –

Squidward: Humph. (Leaves)

Sandy (muttering): Men… they're all the same…Should've moved

back to Texas… Now, just where is that cashier?

(Sandy walks around the Supermarket and spots SpongeBob)

Sandy: Sigh. SpongeBob is such a hottie, unlike that Squidward. (To

SpongeBob) Howdy, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Hello, Sandy. Ready for our next big "date"?

Sandy (Shyly): N-n-no… I mean…

SpongeBob: It's okay if you can't handle my debonair ways, Sandy. I

guess I'd just have to find someone else who could.

Sandy: No, SpongeBob! Wait! I would love to go –

(SpongeBob leaves)

Sandy: Oh, no… now even SpongeBob is acting like those grumpy

men… (Spots the cashier) Oh, look, there's the cashier.

(Sandy walks over to the cashier and hands over the acorns. Cashier scans the acorns one by one)

Cashier: Two dollars.

(Sandy smiles at the cashier and hands him a two-dollar note)

Cashier: Thanks! By the way…

Sandy: What?

Cashier (flirtatiously): I'm Ted. What's your name, hot stuff?

Sandy (confused): Uh – the name's Sandy.

Ted: Oh, Sandy. Okay. So, babe, how 'bout a date? At my place? We

could get in the hot tub and…

Sandy: Don't mess with me, pervert! Hi-YAH!

(Sandy gives Ted a karate chop)

Ted: Owww…

Sandy: That'll teach y'all not to mess with me! I hate men! (Leaves)

Outside the Supermarket…

Sandy: I've got to do something about those men…

(Sandy's cellphone rings)

Sandy (picks up phone): Howdy, Sandy Cheeks speakin'

Pearl: Girl? This is Pearl.

Sandy: Howdy, Pearl!

Pearl: Listen, Sandy. You see, there are just too many annoying men

here in Bikini Bottom. Don't you know about that cashier at

the Supermarket?

Sandy: Yeah, that guy tried to hit on me earlier today.

Pearl: And your boyfriend, SpongeBob?

Sandy: Sigh.

Pearl: He tried to ask me out on a DATE!

Sandy: I had a misunderstanding with him in the Supermarket just now.

And he left, saying that I couldn't handle his debonair ways and

that he wanted to find someone else who could…

Pearl: That's the exact problem with men, Sandy.

Sandy: So what do y'all wanna do, Pearl?

Pearl: Hmm… I'm planning to invite the ladies of Bikini Bottom,

mainly myself, you, Mrs. Puff and my fashion troupe, to a

"Girls' Day Out" at the mall tomorrow to just rid ourselves of

those pervs we call men.

Sandy: That's a great idea, Pearl! What time should I meet you there?

Pearl: Meet me at 10 am tomorrow, outside the Krusty Krab.

Sandy: OK. Gotcha.

Pearl: Good. So, see you tomorrow?

Sandy: Yep. You too. Bye!

Pearl: Bye!

(Sandy hangs up and puts cellphone back in pocket)

**TO BE CONTINUED…**


	3. Chapter 3

Too Many Men

**Too Many Men!**

**Chapter 3 – Girls' Day Out**

The next day at the Krusty Krab entrance...

Pearl: Where's Sandy? She's taking such a long time.

Mrs. Puff: Don't worry, she'll be here soon.

Pearl: I'll just try to call her now and ask her where she is.

(Pearl takes out her cellphone and calls Sandy)

Sandy (picks up phone): Howdy, Sandy Cheeks speakin'

Pearl: Sandy, it's me, Pearl.

Sandy: Oh, howdy Pearl!

Pearl: Where are you?

Sandy: Oh, you guys are there already? I'm just gettin' ready to go now.

Pearl: OK, girl, we'll wait for you. Just hurry, OK?

Sandy: OK, Pearl! I'll see you there! Bye!

(Sandy hangs up)

Marleen (part of Pearl's fashion troupe): So, where is she?

Pearl: She's just getting ready to go now. Just wait for her, she'll be here in a minute.

Mrs. Puff: Alright, Pearl. I agree with you. We can't go anywhere without Sandy.

Tara (another member of the troupe): Can't we just go now? I'm gonna miss my date with Ted.

Pearl: That smooth cashier? He tried to hit on me and Sandy. Yeuch.

Tara: I know. He tried to do that to me too. But he is just SO hot and I couldn't resist. We had a date in his place yesterday...

Pearl: What did he try to do to you, Tara? You can't trust men, you know.

Tara: We just went in the hot tub. He is so sweet. Sigh.

Pearl: -gags-

Marleen: Omigosh, Tara. You, are, like, so, omigosh... –gags-

Mrs. Puff: In all my years I had never –gags-

Tara: What? He's so (slyly) ... hot. (Licks lips)

Pearl, Marleen and Mrs. Puff: -gags-

Tara: I so love Ted. He is such a –

(Sandy comes)

Sandy: Howdy, y'all! I'm so sorry I'm –

(Pearl hugs Sandy)

Pearl: Omigosh, you're here! You just saved me from that – that- (points to Tara) repulsive PREDATOR!

Tara: I was just saying Ted was hot!

Sandy: Ted? Yeuch! He's a leech!

Sandy: -gags-

Mrs. Puff, Pearl and Marleen: -gags-

Sandy: Ted is SO not hot! He tried to hit on me! But somebody ELSE is SO much hotter...

Mrs. Puff: Oh, dear. Here they go again...

Pearl: You mean SpongeBob?

Pearl, Mrs.Puff, Tara and Marleen: -gags-

Marleen: You know people? Actually, I think that Squidward dude is pretty intriguing himself...

Pearl: -gags-

Sandy: No! SpongeBob is FRICKIN' hotter than that-that-that –

Tara: That SQUID! Even I prefer SpongeBob!

Marleen: -gags-

Mrs. Puff: Oh, Mr.Puff... The good old days...

Sandy, Tara, Pearl and Marleen: -gags-

Sandy: Can y'all stop gaggin' and GO ALREADY!!

Pearl: OK, OK, sheesh. No need to get so testy, girlfriend.

Tara: Totally! After all, the party's just begun!

All: WOOHOO!! To the beauty salon!!

(The ladies leave)

**Meanwhile at SpongeBob's house, the guys of Bikini Bottom have a meeting...**

SpongeBob: Guys... I miss Sandy.

Ted: Yeah. I miss Tara too. I know I've been so smooth with the ladies, but what I had with her was special...

Sponge, Squid and Mr.Puff: -gasp- What exactly DID you do?

Ted (blushing): I... um - I mean... uh...

SpongeBob: You went ALL THE WAY?

Ted: W-well... not exactly... but last night...

Squidward: OK, OK, we get it!!

Ted: C'mon, Squid, we know you're hiding something...

Squidward (blushing): W-w-w-w-w-WHAT?! No...

Mr.Puff: Spit it out, youngster. You remind me of when I first met my darling Puffy.

Squidward: SHUT UP, YOU OLDBAG!!

(Squidward tackles Mr.Puff to the floor and strangles him. Mr.Puff gasps exhaustedly, trying to free himself from Squidward's grasp. The two roll around the floor like pro wrestlers)

SpongeBob: NO! STOP! My FURNITURE!!

Gary: Meow.

(SpongeBob screams agitatedly)

SpongeBob: STOOOOOOP IIIIIIIIIT!!

Ted: Let me handle this, li'l sponge. I'll show you the exact reason why ladies roll with my punches.

(Ted pulls Mr. Puff away from Squidward and drags him back to SpongeBob's sofa. Mr.Puff sits back down while wheezing exhaustedly)

Mr.Puff: -puff- -wheeze- -cough- Thank you, Ted...

Ted: You've got it, old-timer. Now back to the show...

(Ted pulls Squidward back to a chair, far away from Mr. Puff)

Ted(to SpongeBob): Sponge-Dude, get a bucket of water and splosh it on Squid's face while I keep him from getting away.

SpongeBob: R-roger that, Ted!

(SpongeBob grabs a bucket and fills it with water)

Ted: Now splosh it on Squiddy!

Squidward: No!!

(Ted holds Squidward back while Squidward tried to free himself. SpongeBob sploshes water all over Squidward's face)

Squidward: Ack! OK, OK, I give up!

Ted: Now confess.

Squidward: Well actually...

Ted: Spill it!

Squidward (shyly; in a low voice): Actually, I have a crush on Marleen.

Sponge, Ted and Mr.Puff: -gasp-

SpongeBob: -gags-

Ted: Whoa, dude!

Mr.Puff: Young man! –cough-

Squidward: What?

Mr.Puff: You really remind me of myself when I first met my darling Doreen. The only one I had ever loved and cherished throughout my -

Squidward: Yeah, yeah, I get the point.

SpongeBob: Anyway... I miss Sandy.

Ted (pats SpongeBob's back): You're not the only one.

Squidward: I can't believe I'm saying this... But I agree with the little square troublemaker. Marleen is just so beautiful...

Ted: Tara told me that Marleen likes you too, Squidward.

Squidward: That still doesn't brighten up my day.

Mr.Puff: Oh, Squidward. You remind me of when I first met my darling Doreen. The only one I –

Squid, Sponge and Ted: SHUT UP ALREADY!!

Mr.Puff: You youngsters miss your ladies too. As do I. I miss my darling Doreen. The only one I have ever loved and cherished throughout my life. I shall love her, until my dying days. Oh, Doreen...

(Mr. Puff talks on and on about his "darling Doreen")

Ted: -huff- I guess we'd better ignore that dude and call up the ladies. Since you, Sponge, are having a misunderstanding with yours, and you, Squid, aren't the official BF of yours yet, I shall call up the lovely Tara.

Sponge and Squid: OK.

(Ted takes his cellphone out from his pocket and dials Tara's number)

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	4. Chapter 4

Too Many Men

**Too Many Men!**

**Chapter 4 – Happy Ending...**

At the beauty salon... the girls are being pampered... until...

(Tara's cellphone rings)

Tara's Phone: I love you baby, baby Ted, always in the dark, just us...

Pearl: Tara!

Tara: Whaaaat?!

Sandy: Your phone's ringing!

Tara's Phone: Ooh... aah... Ooh baby...

Marleen, Sandy, Pearl and Mrs. Puff: -gags- WHAT KIND OF PERVY RINGTONE IS THAT?!

Tara: blush Umm... (changes topic) I'd better pick it up now.

Tara's Phone: pervy noises

(Tara ignores her friends' astonished gasps and picks up her phone)

Tara: Hello?

Ted: Tara?

Tara: Teddykins?

Ted: Yeah, it's me. I missed you.

Tara: Me too! Listen, I'm out with the ladies right now, but we can go –

Ted: That's the reason I called you, gemstone. Listen...

Tara: Yes?

Ted: I'm here with SpongeBob, Squidward and Mr.Puff.

Tara: Really? Where's Patrick?

Ted: On holiday with Mindy. They've gone to admire King Neptune's "thinning", or should I say "bald and shiny" head.

Tara: LOL! Oh, Ted, you're so funny!

Ted: LOL! Of course I am! So, anyway, we're all here at Sponge's house and we just wanna say sorry to you ladies for our actions...

Tara: Aw, that's so sweet! Of course I forgive you!!

Ted: Aw, that's great, beautiful!! Well, if you girls want to, you can all come to Sponge's house and hang with us guys. How's that sound?

Tara (whisper): Great!! But there's one problem... Sandy hates you. So, maybe we could leave them there and sneak up to someplace...

Ted: I get your drift, babe. Can't wait... See ya!

Tara: Bye!!

(Tara hangs up)

Tara (to girls): Ted just called me.

Pearl: No wonder there were pervy sounds...

Sandy, Marleen and Mrs.Puff: Pearl! You're such a perv.

Pearl: WHAAAATTTT?! I didn't make those sounds! (points to Tara) She did!!

Pearl, Sandy, Marleen and Mrs.Puff: -gags-

Marleen: Tara... (slyly) what exactly _were _those sounds?

Pearl, Sandy and Mrs.Puff: (trying not to gag) Tell us!!

Tara: blush Umm... well... me and Ted...

Me: Oi! This isn't an M-rated story!!

Sandy: Then WHY did you create that pervy tone for Tara?

Tara: Yeah, I never wanted it!!

All except me: (points at Author) PERVERT!!

Me: Yes, actually, I am a perv. My classmates call me "O Pervy One" just check the app "Nicknames" on my Facebook profile. And, I am the Goddess of Perverted-ness, and always part of "The Laughing Gang" if people cracks sick jokes. So, yeah, I'm a –

Sandy: WE GET YOUR POINT, QUEEN PERVY.

All except me: GET LOST!

Me (frustrated): OK. Fine. But I'll turn up out of nowhere again if the story goes out of the rating. NOW GET OUT OF MY WAY SO I CAN GET OUT OF HERE AND NOT SEE YOUR FRICKIN' FACES FOR A WHILE.

(Author leaves)

All: I hate that woman.

Pearl (to Tara): So why did Ted call?

Tara: I FRICKIN HATE AzuDCreamPuff!! WHY DO I HAVE TO FRICKIN EXPLAIN!!

Me: Tut-tut-tut... (Disappear)

Tara: FINE FINE I'LL FRICKIN' EXPLAIN JUST DON'T EVER TUT-TUT ME AGAIN OR I WILL FART ON YOUR FACE AND TICKLE YOU TO HELL AND INFILTRATE YOU WITH A RAY MACHINE GUN!! YOU ARE THE WORST AUTHOR WHO HAS EVER LIVED AND I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART –

Me: (looks at Tara's line above from computer screen) Ouch.

Marleen: Calm down, Tara!

Tara: huff huff GRRR!!

Awkward silence...

Crickets: Chirp. Chirp. Chirp.

Tara: (breathe)

Crickets: Chirp. Chirp. Chirp.

Tara: OK. I'm calm. (To crickets) SHUT THE HELL UP YOU CRICKETS!!

(Crickets escape with fear)

Tara: Phew. Phewww... OK. So, Ted called me a while ago...

Sandy: THAT SLICK PERV?

Tara: HE'S MY FRICKIN BOYFRIEND YOU #!

Pearl & Marleen: Oh dear...

Sandy: WANNA SHOWDOWN?! (Karate-chops Tara's head) HI-YAH!!

(Tara dodges the attack)

Sandy (calm): Whatever.

Tara: Well, he said that he's with the guys... _Our _guys...

Sandy: I MISS SPONGE!!

Marleen: SQUIDDY!!

Mrs.Puff: SIMON!!

Tara, Sandy, Pearl and Marleen: Your husband's name is SIMON?!

Mrs.Puff: Not the American Idol one!! THE OLDBAG ONE!!

Tara, Sandy, Pearl and Marleen: -gags- Oh.

Mrs.Puff: You youngsters get on my nerves.

Tara (ignoring Mrs.Puff): And they're at SpongeBob's house right now and they miss us and want us to go there.

Sandy: I... AM... NOT... GOING... TO –

Tara: Don't worry, Ted and I are sneaking out to his house and –

Sandy, Marleen, Pearl and Mrs.Puff: SHUT UP!!

Tara: Fine. So, you guys go to Sponge's house. I'll go with you, but Ted will be outside so I'll leave straight away. And Sandy, you won't have to face him. He'll be hiding behind Squidward's tall Tiki house so you won't have to see Ted's (licks lips) hot face.

Sandy, Marleen, Pearl and Mrs.Puff: -gags-

Mrs.Puff: Well, Tara, that's a good plan.

Sandy: Yeah.

Pearl: We'll follow.

Marleen: Totally.

Tara: Great! Let's go!

(Girls get ready to leave)

Me: YOU GIRLS, ALWAYS BREAKING THE RULES!

All except me: WHAT, CRAZY WOMAN?!

Me: Bow down to your O Pervy One!!

All except me (Reluctantly): bow O Pervy One!

Me: Good. You know, you're my first worshippers. I don't get as much attention as the other goddesses, so thanks. Clears throat Ahem. Anyway... you have to pay for the salon...

Sandy: WHAT?!

Me: Aw c'mon. You're starting to sound like Mr. Krabs. Now PAY UP before I kill your boyfriends off and replace them with –

All except me: AUGH! NO!!

Me: So PAY THE LADY OR YOU WILL –

All except me: (plead) WE'LL PAY!!

Me: Oh, so you're begging me now. OK. You ladies pay up, but be warned – (scary face) I will appear if you do not pay and kill your boys.

All except me: OK... (Nervous glances)

Me: Good. (Disappears)

All except me: I hate that woman.

Marleen (the nicest of them all...): I'll pay.

(Marleen approaches the salon lady and pays for everyone)

Salon Lady: Thank you! Come again.

(Marleen, Sandy, Mrs. Puff, Tara and Pearl leave)

Outside the Salon...

Tara, Sandy, Pearl and Mrs. Puff: Thanks, Marleen!

Marleen: You're welcome. Now, to meet the guys!!

(Ladies leave)

Meanwhile, in SpongeBob's house...

SpongeBob: They're taking so long!

Squidward: Sigh... Marleen...

Mr.Puff: Oh, my darling Doreen... (rambles on with speech)

Ted: OK, people... I'm gonna head over to Patrick's place. Tara and I are gonna meet there.

SpongeBob: Um... sure, Ted... but why Pat's place?

Ted (to Sponge): Your girlfriend hates me.

SpongeBob: Oh.

Ted: I'm leaving now! Bye!

(Ted leaves)

SpongeBob: Now it's only the three of us...

Squidward: More like TWO. (Points at Mr. Puff who is continuing speech) THAT guy is in his own little speech bubble.

Mr. Puff: (turns to Squidward): What?

SpongeBob: Aw, c'mon Squid! They'll be here in a minute!

Outside SpongeBob's house...

Tara: Here we are, girls! I'm gonna get behind Patrick's house. Ted's waiting there.

Sandy: -gags-

Pearl, Mrs.Puff and Marleen: OK.

BEHIND THE ROCK...

(Tara goes behind Patrick's house and sees Ted)

Ted: Tara, baby!

Tara: Oh, Ted! I'm so sorry!

Ted: It's OK, cutesy-pie. Now let's head off.

Tara: OK.

Ted: But before that... (Ted pulls Tara to his arms)

And back to the ladies...

(The ladies hear weird pervy sounds from behind Patrick's rock)

Ladies: -gag-

Pearl: Just ignore those saps, girlfriends! Now let's head inside.

In SpongeBob's house...

Squidward: WHERE ARE THE LADIES?!

SpongeBob: Chill, Squid. They'll be here in a –

(Doorbell rings)

Squidward & SpongeBob: THE GIRLS!!

Mr.Puff: Doreen!!

(SpongeBob opens the door)

Sandy: Sponge!!

SpongeBob: Sandy! Listen, I'm so sorry –

Sandy: (Puts finger on SpongeBob's lips) Ssh. It's OK... I forgive y'all.

SpongeBob: Aww, thanks, Sandy!

Squidward: Marleen!

Marleen: Squiddy!

Squidward: Um, Marleen... I...

Marleen: I feel the same way about you.

Squidward: So, um, is it possible if we could, um, you know... hang out later?

Marleen: Sure, Squid, I'd love to!

Squidward: Then let's get outta here!

(Marleen and Squidward leave)

Mr.Puff: Doreen?

Mrs.Puff: Simon?

Mr.Puff: Where have you been?! You worried me sick!

Mrs.Puff: Oh, I just went out with the girls...

Mr.Puff: Let's talk about this on the way home...

(Mr. and Mrs. Puff leave)

SpongeBob: Whew! Thank goodness they're gone!

Sandy: Yeah...

SpongeBob: Now we can have some alone time.

Sandy: How about... the Karate Dojo?

SpongeBob: Great idea, Sandy!

(SpongeBob and Sandy leave, play-fighting)

Me: And that's the end!!

**-THE END-**

P.S. Watch out for my next SpongeBob fic, which is about Sponge and Sandy's engagement! Stay tuned!


End file.
